Say, Cheese!

Last week I ate spaghetti.  Normally, this is not a monumental experience.  If you know me at all, you know I eat spaghetti on a regular basis.  However, this time was different.  I ate spaghetti…with cheese.  After six months of being dairy-free because of Eli’s milk allergy, I was finally able to enjoy some delicious dairy. 

It was a bittersweet day, however, because it was also the day that Eli was officially weaned to formula.  After many months of going dairy-free, eliminating soy, and watching everything I ate, Eli was still having blood in his stool, and we were at a loss as to why.  We talked with our pediatrician, prayed for wisdom, and finally decided that it would be better to start to wean him to formula to give his little tummy some consistency.  As I gradually added formula feedings, we saw an immediate improvement, and now that he is exclusively on formula, he is a much happier baby. 

As much as I loved that first bite of Parmesan cheese, I will be the first to admit that this is not what I wanted.  I enjoyed nursing, and did not want to stop.  I would have gone dairy-free for a year if I thought it would have been the best thing for Eli, but it was not.  I am thankful for our pediatrician who gave us advice, listened, and encouraged me that I had not failed as a mother because of Eli’s milk allergy and that in the six months I was able to nurse, he got plenty of immunity-boosting nutrients. 

I miss nursing Eli, but I am infinitely happier that we made the choice to switch to formula because it was what he needed.  Secondarily, it was also what I needed.  Dairy is the main source of calcium in my diet, and once I stopped eating dairy, I felt awful.  My joints ached, my skin and nails dried out – even my muscles would cramp up.  Normally, someone who stops eating dairy would just take a calcium supplement, but I was not able to because it would aggravate Eli (as would multi-vitamins).  It was also emotionally draining.  I was so vigilant about my diet, yet Eli continued to have blood in his stool, and I felt personally responsible for his pain.  At one point, all I was eating was chicken noodle soup.  Again, I am thankful for our pediatrician who gently reminded me that it is sometimes incredibly difficult to pinpoint what in my diet was making him sick.

Looking back, I am grateful for the time that I was able to nurse.  Even though I missed eating dairy, it was worth it to be able to nurse for as long as I did.  Honestly, I still struggle with not being able to nurse.  There are moments when I still get sad about it, but I have peace knowing that it was the right decision for Eli. 

My hope is that this post encourages other Moms who have stopped nursing (or were never able to) for whatever reason.  I have long felt that there are strongly-opinionated groups and mothers who, in their zeal to let Moms know what is best for their babies, can make Moms feel like they have failed or that they have made the wrong decision.  Every baby is different.  I have had different pregnancy, labor, and nursing experiences with each of my three children.  Every time I think I have something figured out as a Mom, one of my kids throws me for a loop.  Moms, let us remember that though we may be well-intentioned, we sometimes need to keep our personal opinions to ourselves.  Unless someone asks you specifically your opinion about a non-essential parenting issue, it can be extremely unhelpful to tell them what they “need” to do.  When it comes to your children and family, seek wise counsel, pray for wisdom, and then make a decision based on what is the best for your family.

Thank you all for praying for me and supporting me during these last six months.  I already mentioned how thankful I was for our pediatrician (twice), but I am also thankful for my incredible husband and family for loving me during this time.  They graciously refrained from eating or mentioning dairy in front of me, and even ate my new dairy-free recipes (let’s just say some turned out better than others).  Thank you to all of you who have shared your experiences with me and who have encouraged me by sharing your recipes and hugs.  God has been incredibly gracious to me in so many ways, and this experience is yet another reminder of how the Lord has blessed me more than I deserve.