Night Owls

I love sleeping. I love going to bed, dreaming, and waking up refreshed. When I was little, I used to ask my mom, "can I go to bed?" Sadly, Ethan does not share this love. After months of hoping and praying for a night of uninterrupted sleep, I have accepted that my little man (at least for now) is a night owl. What's more, God has been using my night owl to teach me and remind me of some important truths:

1. God's mercies are new every morning. Lamentations 3:22-23 says, "The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases; his mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is your faithfulness." Never has this truth been more evident to me than during this time in my life. As you moms can attest, nighttime is the most physically draining time to be up with a baby. Your body is naturally tired and isn't all that thrilled to be awake when it should be sleeping. However, God has supernaturally sustained me time and time again and has given me renewed strength to get up each morning and start a new day.
   
   
2. Babies are a blessing. When my daughter was born, I was unable to stay home and returned to work when she was six weeks old. Although the Lord used that time to teach us a lot, Chris and I decided we wanted to wait to have another baby until I was able to stay home - mainly because it is incredibly hard to work and be a mom. We prayed and waited (pretty impatiently) for two and a half years before the Lord made it financially possible and we were blessed with Ethan. That being said, every time I have been tempted to complain about my lack of sleep, I am constantly reminded that Ethan is a living, breathing, realized answer to our prayer. I would rather be up at 2:00 am with Ethan in my arms than asleep without him in my life. He and his big sister are amazing blessings from the Lord that I never want to take for granted.
   
   
3. Babies don't stay babies. Every mother can attest that she has heard the "it goes by so fast" speech from countless friends, family members, and strangers. Really, the one who has taught me this lesson the most is Emma. It is hard to believe that the little baby girl I held in my arms for the first time one rainy November morning is now a three-year-old that begins her sentences with "Mom, first of all . . . " After I decided to stop spending those sleepless nights wishing to be back in bed, I realized that I am getting some quality extra time with my baby boy that I might not otherwise have. One day, he will be that three-year-old. Until then, I want to enjoy every moment during this stage of his life.
   
   
4. Even good things can become an idol. As I mentioned earlier, I love sleep. There is nothing wrong with that. Sleep is a gift from God for us to rest and renew our bodies. However, there came a point a few months ago where I was dragging myself out of bed in the middle of night with an ungrateful and bitter heart. As I held Ethan in my arms, I came to the horrible realization that I loved sleep more than I loved my son - it had become an idol. I was spending those precious moments worshiping at the altar of my own desire for sleep instead of worshiping God for his grace and goodness in my life. That moment remains one of the most humbling moments in my walk with the Lord, and I am grateful that the Lord graciously opened my eyes to my sin.
   
   
5. God is in control - I am not. If there is ever a time when God exposes your utter need for him, it is when you become a parent. Children do not come with instructions, and it is easy to try to rely on your own ideas and strength to try and "fix" your parenting problems. I have learned, though, that God uses my children to teach me that, ultimately, he is in control and I am not. For those of you yet to be parents, newborns do not take instruction well. They don't care how many parenting books you have read or classes you have taken. They do what they want, when they want to do it. Not to say that books and classes and methods cannot be useful or to suggest that you let your children do whatever they want to do (they eventually become old enough to teach), but God is in control and may be using your parental situation to teach you some valuable lessons about the goodness and greatness of God - just as he is using Ethan to teach me.

There will come a night when I won't be awakened by the hooting of my little night owl. When that night comes, I will gladly welcome the extra sleep. For now, though, I am counting my blessing and enjoying the precious moments in the still of the night with my son. I love you Ethan.